Words by a Sailor’s Wife
For the Bravest Wife of Sailors, from a Sailor Wife
Besides,all work ,enjoyment and tremendous effort onboard there is hidden sorrow of being away from your loved one for a long course of time.This post is dedicated to those Navy wives who wait with immense love and loyalty for their sailors to return back to them and to those who are on board.
Life of a navy wife has always been different when we compare to ordinary wives since time immemorial.
It’s not always about rainbows or sunshine but storms and thunders when we talk about deployment.
Your romance will be as adventurous as his soul might be. None of them are exactly alike.Some have kids. Some don’t. Some throw their hearts into their work. Some just pay bills. The Navy Wife with a happy life seems to have a particular set of skills.
That Navy Wife looks at things in a certain way. She runs her family in a way civilians don’t quite understand. Being a Navy wife will never be the only thing you are.
It is not the only thing you will ever be. Instead, your time as a Navy wife is a role you play valiantly, with style with grace, with love. You trust that it will be worth it in the end.
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🔺THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS EACH SAILOR’S WIFE MUST KNOW SINCE THEY DECIDE TO BE A NAVY’S WIFE .
▪️ Mentally strong:
Be mentally strong when you decide to make sacrifices and stay back at home when at deployment.
▪️Trust:
Trust is actually the base of every marriage. It is, in fact, the most important thing, there has to be trust between husband and wife for a successful marriage. It becomes even more important when they stay apart. Navy is one such occupation which is known for wealth, wine and women. So you need to trust him when he’s away and similarly keep his trust in you intact. Trusting your partner is easy when it is love marriage because you already know that person, but when it comes to arrange marriage, it becomes a bit difficult.
▪️Separation anxiety:
This no doubts that a girl has to undergo a lot of sacrifices in marriage. And even more, if your husband is a sailor. Because here she needs to see that whether she can leave her job, her family, her house and accompany him on-board If at all the girl decides to stayback, a lot of emotional and mental strength is required from her end, there will be times when she’d want him and he won’t be there. She will have to let go of the support of her husband and start afresh on her own.
▪️Family:
Family plays an important role in marriages and the role is more crucial when you marry a sailor. Because when he’s not going to be around his family is going to be your support, so make good bonds with them before the marriage itself and see if you will be able to adjust with them. If you wish to start a family with him thinks about it very carefully, because he is not going to be there with you through out your pregnancy.
▪️ Compromises:
It’s completely fine for those who are ready to sail sacrificing your jobs and work with your sailor.But when you stay at home get ready to celebrate your birthday,his birthday, anniversary alone.
▪️His personal/professional :
People keep their personal and professional lives different. So it is important for you to know the sailor personally as well which includes, his likes/dislikes, his hobbies, how does he spend his time when he’s not on duty. On the professional level, you need to to know about his job role on the ship, his contract, and the conditions under which his family can sail with him.
▪️Your lifestyle:
Take your time to ponder upon yourself.As to what you like, your ambition.Make your decisions and live upon it.
▪️Key to survival:
Marrying a sailor gives you an opportunity to have your own personal space.Pick a hobby make yourself busy in things that makes you happy.With Mariners you can live your own passion.
▪️ Positive thinking:
Being optimistic about situation and life might help to spend the time peacefully without your sailor.Today he might not be with you but tomorrow he will give you his 100% attendance and his 24×7,when he has no Major job to attend to on vacations.
▪️Love:
“Love conquers all”.
Unfortunately in Mariner’s case mind of a girl is cluttered by above thoughts so much that love takes a back seat.But ultimately love will only get you through all hardships but never let him go because the life you share with your sailor with all troubles makes your relationship even more stronger than rest of the world.
Among all above points, the important one is separation for a long time, which is not easy for any couple. A Sailor definitely deserves to have a woman who understands him well.
GIVE YOUR SAILOR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND HE WILL SAIL THROUGH LIFE WITH YOU.
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🔺THE DEPLOYMENT PERIOD:
Deployments to moving all the time to the consequences of water life takes regular everyday marriage problems and catapults them towards troubled waters. You’ve got to hold it together when your sailor leaves to work in a really dangerous condition for months on end or more amidst water missing all the special stuff like birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, or gasp….the birth of your child.
The stresses of the job like it or not, you share your spouse with the Navy, and there will be times when that comes first. Sailors deploy, sometimes on short notice, and they never seem to come back when they are supposed to.
Cell service or internet access can be spotty in certain locations and living in different time zones can make it difficult to find a mutually convenient time to chat. On top of that, the tasked with managing day-to-day life more or less on their own. If the kids get sick or the washing machine breaks or the car won’t start,it’s on them to sort it out. And, of course, they’re constantly thinking about their sailor.
It’s hard to be away from the one you love most. A piece of your heart is constantly missing,” McDonald said.
Especially when your sailor is somewhere dangerous, life can seem surreal. While you must carry on with normal life .
🔺Now here are some tips/facts ,as to how you can remove a little part of that sorrow and pain for time being .
▪️Love the ocean,love the sea : as much as the Navy will be a part of a Navy wife’s life, it isn’t enough to be her entire life.
▪️Dress your family in anchors and Navy. Ignore the people who try to tell you that the Navy is just a job. If it is just a job your sailor won’t be doing it very long. Instead, let your family think of the Navy as the environment you live in, the place where you are from. Be a little proud of it.
▪️Hold the center of your family. The rest of the world might think that couples ought to do exactly the same amount of work in a family. They should earn the same income. They should split chores down the middle. Daddy and Mommy ought to be interchangeable to a wailing baby. That won’t work in Navy life the sailor has to go to sea too often. Instead, the research says that Navy families do best when the Navy wife or at-home partner holds the center of the family and then lets the sailor come back to their own place in the family.
Think of it like the way the sun holds the center of the solar system. As long as you provide the gravity, Navy Wife, the family is going to be alright.
▪️Be a duck or a dog:
Navy life guarantees you will have a deluge of emotions. The Navy wife who is a natural optimist shakes these things off like a duck — she’s barely even wet. Those who aren’t natural ducks can learn to be like dogs instead. We may get drenched in negative emotions, soaked in them, half-drowned in them. But we can learn to be like dogs and shake those things off a little better as the years go by. Managing emotions is a lesson you keep on learning.
▪️ Make yourself busy:
The happy Navy wife has direct accomplishments of her own a portable career, a skill, a hobby, an education. Discover your own divine spark, your own unconquerable soul.
▪️The hardest lesson to learn:
Our movies, books, and music teach that true love means never being apart. If you insist on constant togetherness as the sign of love, then you are going to feel unloved very soon in Navy life. This is the hardest lesson the Navy will ever teach you: someone can love you profoundly and still need/want/love a job that takes them away from you.
▪️Have more time under cover:
A spend more time talking under the covers. Take the Five Love Languages training when it is offered at your base. Have some routines that bring you together again and again.
▪️Cheer:
Life during deployment can eat up a Navy wife. That’s why treasure those sweet emails from your sailor and cheer up yourself.Life at sea is the Death of a Thousand Cuts. So try to be the person who encourages him the most, who remembers how far he has come, who witnesses his good life.
▪️Trust your sailor:
Trust yourself,things will automatically be at their exact place when you begin to have these major factor and see how the days passes on with the sands of time.
🔺But in case a wife decides to be on board While the mariner gets accustomed to it over a period of time, his wife often struggles to familiarize herself in the first place to a whole new world around her. It helps if she acknowledges that the ship belongs to the realm of men despite the role reversal in today’s scenario and remember certain facts.
1. Be Disciplined:
A sailor is required to be disciplined their wives must follow suit. Meal timings are fixed on ship and seafarer’s wife should adhere to those. She must appreciate and eat what is on
the menu for everyone else. There are separate mess rooms for crew and officers where meals are served. Quite often, there are designated seats for every officer. Seafarer’s wife should follow the arrangement and occupy her seat. Carrying food to the cabin should be avoided as much as possible.
2.Conduct:
Seafarer’s wife, just like seafarers, must participate, appropriate conduct. Her behavior should be conducive to the professional work environment on ship.A seafarer’s wife will frequently get accompanied by other officers while having meals in the mess-room. All table manners and courtesies hold well on such occasions and should be observed by the seafarer’s wife. Using fork and knife to eat, waiting for others to finish on your table, or excusing yourself to take leave are few such commonly seen mannerism people follow on-board.
3.Dress Suitably:
One is often judged by clothes he/she wears. Dressing appropriately is extremely important on ship. Body hugging and revealing attires should not be worn to attract unwarranted attention. Simple jeans with comfort fit T-shirts or leggings with decent neckline and comfort fit dresses works best while sailing. Seafarer’s wife will find floaters, sneakers or sports shoes more
comfortable for a safe movement on the ship’s surface keeping in view the intermittent rolling.
4.Safety Measures:
A seafarer’s wife must hold the importance of safety and security in high regards while on the
vessel. She must comply with the safety instructions at various work areas and respect the restraint expected of her on-board. She is also required to regularly attend the drills conducted onboard and make efforts to familiarize herself with basic safety measures for her own good.
5.Be Responsible:
The seafarer’s wife must act responsibly at all times. Ships are equipped with various facilities equipment and services for the usage and recreation of all the seafarers on-board. Steam room, sauna room, gym, indoor games and internet/wi-fi facility etc. may be there to name a few. Seafarer’s wife is free to use all the facilities available to her, but responsibly.
6.Be Empathetic:
It is thoughtful to be empathetic towards all the sailors on-board. They work hard to maintain, manage and navigate the vessel in tough work conditions. They get limited pre-defined rest hours. A small gesture like closing doors softly or playing music/TV at optimum sound levels is good to practice.
7.Be Patient and Positive:
Life at sea often gets dreary and monotonous for the seafarer’s wife. Unforeseen circumstances, port operations and day to day deck/engine works often detain mariners for long hours of work at a stretch. Seafarer’s wife will need to be patient and open to acclimatize to such situations as and when they arise.
As we elucidate the tenets a seafarer’s wife should live by while at sea, the role of her husband too assumes paramount importance when they sail together. While she puts in her heart and soul to accustom to the sea life, it becomes her husband’s responsibility to appreciate and acknowledge her efforts and be empathetic towards her concerns and feelings. He should take that extra mile to make his wife comfortable and accepted in a world entirely unknown to her. Invariable communication and enormous trust apart from love, care and understanding between the two helps a long way
If you really love that one sailor in uniform, you try to learn to be a Navy wife. You try to be that person who breaks free of the things a narrow, safe little mind craves. Instead you give yourself to a life you can’t always control for the sake of the person you love best in the world. When you have a choice of being weak or being strong, you choose strong. So have a little optimism. Believe that you can be big enough to take on something that the world won’t really understand.
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